Perpetual disagreements are the result of gridlock when we go round and round with conflicts not being able to come to an agreement that is gridlock. A way to avoid the gridlock is by looking out for the moments when you miss each other’s needs. When couples avoid the gridlock, they treat the perpetual argument like a pesky bug. If couples follow the other principles within this blog, then they will have a good chance of avoiding gridlock.
The marital poop detector is vital to a strong marriage because it allows the couple to know when something just doesn’t smell right. It is an early warning system. In Gottman’s book, he gives a list of questions to ask yourself once a week. These questions will help detect if there is something wrong within your marriage. These questions are:
- I have been acting irritable
- I have been feeling emotional distant
- There has been a lot of tension between us
- I find myself wanting to be somewhere else
- I have been feeling lonely
- My partner seems emotionally unavailable to me
- I have been angry
- We have been out of touch with each other
- My partner has little idea of what I am thinking
- We have been under a great deal of stress and it has taken a toll on us
- I wish we were closer now
- I have wanted to be alone a lot
- My partner has been acting irritable
- My partner has been emotionally distant
- My partner seems to be somewhere else
- I have been emotionally unavailable to my partner
- My partner has been angry
- I have little idea what my partner is thinking
- My partner has wanted to be alone
- We really need to talk
- We haven’t been communication very well
- We have been fighting more than usual
- Lately, small issue escalate
- We have been hurting each other feelings
- There hasn’t been very much fun or joy in our lives
Working through the seven principles is probably very clear to you that there is no such thing as constructive criticism. The central message to Gottman book is that you can make a marriage work as long as you are willing to put in the work.
Marriage 